so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
