did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
