I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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