i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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