The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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