You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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