Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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