I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
