god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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