even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
