South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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