My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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