is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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