And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
