69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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