I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
