in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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