I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
