Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
