I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
