I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
