He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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