After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
