ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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