How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
