wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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