I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
