you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
