did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
