Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
