Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize