They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
