I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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