Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
