Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
