Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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