why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
