There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Everything about him screamed your future.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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