My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
