Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
