Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize