Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
