you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
