2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
