Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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