I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
