How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
