Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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