i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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