He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
