Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize