Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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