I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize