so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
