i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
