Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
