Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
