your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
