I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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