I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
