so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
