I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
