You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
