sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
