They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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