You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
