she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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