And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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