i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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